my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Randomize
