My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Randomize
