i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
