your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
