Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
