so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
