I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
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