what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
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