I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
