This girl is more easily done than said...
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
