i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I cut my penus on the lid.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
