You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
