Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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