Your tits are I can't wait for
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Randomize
