so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
