How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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