let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
