where does the pee come out of this thing
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Randomize
