hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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