Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
