i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
