theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
