My room smells like vodka and shame
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
