Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
