I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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