well most of my day revolves around power hour
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize
