So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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