I accidentally burped into my bong.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
