If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
