Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
