Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
