too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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