I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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