There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
