NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
