I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
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