TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
