We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
