You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize