I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Randomize
