Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
