Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
