My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
oh god the rape fog is back!
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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