Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
