sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
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