I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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