how can u be prego again
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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