Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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