What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize