Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
