pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
