My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
