i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
