Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
