i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
that may or may not have been my penis.
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