How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Randomize
