Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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