Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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