fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
