I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
