I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Randomize
