You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Ladies don't puke and tell
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
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