watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Randomize
