There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
