If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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