Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize