dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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