im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
