Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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