I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
