I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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