If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
