How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Randomize
