i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Randomize
