Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
