i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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