wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
