if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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