I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
