Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
