You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
