omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize