weddingsv make me drug and hornr
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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