3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
