UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
i just sent this text using only my big toe
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Randomize
