We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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