I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
