i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
