They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
We need to rekindle our bromance
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
