why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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