Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
