wrigley field is MILF paradise
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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