i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
