can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
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