I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I have tasted many bathrooms
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize