Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
