Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
