Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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