She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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