Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
