everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Randomize
