What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
