You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
