and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
