I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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