Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
