You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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