I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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