The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
