how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
