And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
this boner is exhausting
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
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