his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
