He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
