so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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