dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Randomize
