Where is the hickey?
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
