I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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