Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Randomize
