I will die if light touches me.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
