There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
