I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize