Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Randomize
