I have demons in me.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
